Bernard Lim – a friend, a brother, a blessing
Bernard Lim Peng Aunn (right) holding up the custom photo book I designed for him in 2017.
On 26 January 2025, Bernard called me while I was busy making thau chang kuih (ribbon biscuits) for Chinese New Year. He was at the stunningly lit Kek Lok Si Temple that evening with a few sisters from the Little Sisters of the Poor, hoping to enter the pagoda – but it was closed to the public. Of course, I could not help him with that, but what mattered was hearing his familiar, jovial voice. He sounded full of life, his laughter warm and genuine, as always. Little did I know, that would be our last conversation.
Just three days later, in the quiet, pre-dawn hours on Wednesday, Bernard jolted awake at 3:00 am, a deep sense of dread tightening around his chest. Gasping for breath, he turned to his sister Anne, his voice fraught with urgency – he needed to get to the hospital, immediately. Panic-stricken, Anne rushed to help him into the car, her hands gripping the steering wheel as she sped through the still, silent streets, her heart pounding with fear. But before they could reach the hospital, Bernard’s breath became shallow and then completely still. A massive heart attack struck him and when they arrived at the emergency unit, the doctors fought desperately to save him.
But death had already stolen him away.
Imagine the weight of such a tragedy unfolding on the very morning of the first day of Chinese New Year – a day meant for joy, for family, for celebration, now consumed by unbearable sorrow.
In early January 2025, Bernard, along with four dear friends, treated me to a joyous birthday celebration at Maple Palace, where we shared a sumptuous dinner – a cherished tradition to celebrate life and more importantly, each other. Over the years, we had enjoyed countless memorable dinners, each filled with laughter, storytelling and the joy of good food. As a photographer and graphic designer, it felt only natural to preserve these treasured moments in a special way. In 2017, I created a custom photo book for each of them – a tangible keepsake they could revisit time and again, reliving the warmth and happiness of those unforgettable times. On the cover, I inscribed a quote: "Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer".
Bernard and I go way back. Our families have always been close, bound by decades of friendship. His father, Mr Lim Soon Huat, was the best man at my parents’ wedding on 27 December 1952 – a date that, sixteen years later, would take on even more significance. In 1984, he also stepped in as my Godfather for my confirmation, making Bernard my Godbrother. With my birthday on 2 January and Bernard’s on 27 December, we were born almost a year apart. This year, we would have both turned 57.
Knowing my passion for cooking and baking, Bernard secretly shared with me his family’s treasured sugee cake recipe – one of those time-honoured secrets passed down through generations, carefully guarded and rarely shared. While my Mum’s sugee cake is nothing short of extraordinary, I have always found joy in learning and discovering something new.
Bernard was a constant source of support for me. Whenever I needed banking assistance, he was the first person I would turn to. My company account is with Public Bank, where Bernard spent most of his career. After leaving, he joined a new company, but it was not always smooth sailing. Work brought its fair share of "superfluous" challenges and conflict, yet Bernard, being the saint he was, endured it all with quiet resilience. Through him, I was reminded of a belief I have long held: challenges shape us, but how we respond to them truly defines us. You cannot love unless you give it unconditionally, you cannot conquer a mountain without putting one foot in front of the other and you cannot find peace of mind unless you make a conscious effort to start from within.
Bernard was always there for his family and friends. I witnessed firsthand how he cared for his aging parents with unwavering love and compassion, staying by their side until they took their final breaths. I saw how he showed up for his church, rallied to collect money for friends in need and demonstrated genuine concern for those who were ill. He even scolded me for not telling him I had been hospitalised last August after an accident that left me with three fractured ribs. But that was just Bernard – always thinking of others.
He also helped to organise SXI gatherings, bringing everyone together to share memories and to “lai lau juak”. I once asked him why organise another gathering in May 2025, especially when a much larger SXI event was planned for 2028, when we all turn 60. With the wisdom only he possessed, he simply said, “Because some are already saying bye-bye”.
Oh, my dearest Bernard, my good ol' bachelor Godbrother. I have lost count of the times I have joked with you – tongue-in-cheek – that when you reach heaven (with your piety and all), you better throw down a rope to fish me out from hell. I truly believe that we create the reality we want to live in and now that you are residing in heaven, I will be asking you for curry favours – help me “kena” lottery, be my perpetual guardian angel, 24/7 and assist me in attaining all my heart’s desires. I know my sweet Bernard would not let me down! You will not rest in peace, my sayang, because I will be constantly seeking your divine intercession.
With eternal love, your very “bising” darling,
Adrian
Written and photographed by Adrian Cheah
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1 February 2025